As I sit peacefully in my room, nursing my headache and sun-burn, I can't help but think of the threshold we stand on.
When I was little - meaning probably up until sometime in 9th grade - everyone told me that I'd lived my life in a little glass box like a delicate museum piece. I believed them, mostly, and eventually "broke out" of that shell and went to go see the world. But as it turns out, the only world I saw was what was in the museum wing around me. Every now and then, I got to venture into another wing and, oh, the excitement! Now, here I am, about to walk out of the world I've known my entire life and into a much more intimidating place. Its not as though I'm not coming back, its just that it won't be the same.
Childhood is ending. For real this time. Adolescence is - well I sure hope its over because I'd prefer a more solid ground than raging hormones, a haphazard idea of who I might be, and misplaced priorities. We'll get a second chance at beating those things right around our midlife crisis, we don't need more now. In just over a year (or a year and a half for some of us young'uns) we'll be out of teenage-hood forever. A year after that we'll hit the magic age of 21. Then comes undergrad graduation - Peter, first (Mr. Associate's Degree), then the rest of us soon after. Then what? Jobs, responsibility, families of our own, bills, debt, the problems our parents have, problems our parents never dreamed about, a declining environment, the weight of the current state of the US on OUR shoulders, kids blaming us for the terrible way things are run, new music we can't stand, back aches, wrinkles, our own teenagers to deal with, sucesses, losses, birth, death, a new type of hope, a million new ways to love, experience (eventually), and wisdom (sometime after we learn from experience).
Somewhere in that "modern mideval mess" (as the wise Merlin put it in The Sword and the Stone) we'll have the chance to grab the world by the tail and run with it. One of us may be the next Spielberg, or Albright, or Nobel winner, or Oates. What would we do with that kind of fame, that kind of influence on the world? I can think of a million things I'd do, and at least three quarters of them are unselfish, three sixteenths would be for my kids and their kids and their kids' kids, and the rest would be just plain fun =).
There's so much to look forward to that its hard to look back. I'll miss the Lunch Group in its many forms. I'll miss the spontinaity we've been allowed because we're so close to eachother. I regret not taking more advantage of it. I can't believe I've wasted a whole summer on me, and have seen Kennon once. I can't believe I didn't listen to anyone when I was with Dane. I can't believe I let Charlotte talk me into ignoring Kat for almost two years. I can't believe I wasted time worrying, or slacking, or arguing, or being self-centered. Because I can't go back and get everything I missed. And I can't relive the things I got either. There won't be another day we get to sit in Mr. C's or Mr. Ford's or Mrs. Sallette's or on the patio or in Mr. Friedman's or Mr. Madden's or Mr. Beasley's room. There won't be another Grad Nite, or another Senior Skip Day (even though I was sick, I felt the joy), or a Senior Nerd Day. I won't ever have another 18th birthday party (you all WILL be at my 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd and so on and so forth, not to mention other dates, both big and small) and I won't ever have another prom. I wish I could revisit every good day I've had.
But then again...If I did that, how many good days ahead of me will I miss?
In my museum, there is an unmeasurable wealth of memories, friendship, family, love, and passion. Beyond the threashold, there are chances to reach what I want in life, to fullfil dreams, to gain the experience and wisdom it will take to change the direction of the world for the better. On one side of the door, there's peace and solitude, knowing I'll always have my memories. On the other side, there's a mad race to the finish. We'll make it. I just know we will.
t h e . l u n c h . g r o u p
AIU Online
At 11:08 AM,
Gato said…
I see what you mean. I'm excited too about the new world that awaits us, Its just hard sometimes to leave everyone I've come to love. I agree with what you've said, though, about missing the moments to come because you're caught up in past memories. And wouldn't it be great if one of us were to make that much of an impact on this world as a noble peace prize winner or the next speilberg. that would be cool. And finally, remind me about your birthday, i'll save up and fly down :O)
Much love,
Gato :O)
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