Its been two weeks today since It happened. I'm feeling much better, I'm eating again and sleeping (sort of). I've been spending a lot of time with my new friends. The whole dorm experience is weird like that, since you don't have any family, your dorm mates take their place, its constant socialization, which I have to say hasn't been bad for me. They are very interesting people.
My birthday was a mixed bag. I went with some friends to the ren faire here and that was hard, like the ultimate Kat and Eston reliving relationship experience ever. It was very emotional for me and too drama filled. I am attracted to someone new. There, its out there. His name is Tony and he's really awsome. Anyhow, so I basically spent the day in emotional hell between reliving my year and a half relationship, and pondering my new feelings. Whats worse is that all of my new girl friends (almost) like him too, so thats added stress. Anyway, when we got back from the fair, I listened to my messages and broke down after hearing two from Eston, both very lovey dovey. I talked to Tony because I couldn't stand the thought of having another let down to deal with, and he said that he likes me too. Great. Now I can deal with this getting over Eston bullshit. awsome.
I don't know. The past few days have been kind of numb. I've been talking to my friend Ryan a lot. He reminds me of Trav in a lot of ways. He and I click real well and its nice to have someone like that here. I don't know. Its not that things are bad, I just have to get through them at this point. There is a lot to get work through. He was my first boyfriend. I've never done this before. I never imagined what it would be like. I'm just a little numb right now. A lot of staring out into space and thinking. More than usual anyway.
I've been busy with all of my rehersals. Tonight was jam packed, starting with Clark bars from 9-10 (short because of THE game, game seven of the play offs, for tose of you who don't know, the red socks are going to the world series! and everybody here is a complete nut over it!), then collegiate accapella (we sing musical numbers and arias), then Pippin rehersal. sleep is for the weak, I've decided. I havn't been feeling well, I think I'm getting sick again. The dizzyness has started and i'm tired and weak a lot, but I don't want to rest. Being in my room sort of depresses me. karen never gets herself out anywhere, and she complains and is depressed a lot, and it brings me down, and when i'm in my room with nothing to do i listen to Brian's emo music and compulsivly go through pictures and journals from last year. Its such a bad habit, the worst. self impossed sadness, and I don't even know why I do it. Its this longing to have all of that again. Bring Back the carefree days of Tail-gate Ponderings, car rides and "toxic", ice cream and the beach, movie nights and musings at 3am.
I don't know. Things are getting better. the only way out is through.
My mom is comming up in two weeks for parents weekend. Chorus and clark bars will perform, I'm excited. The musical seems to be fun. its not south, there isn't a chelsea or michelle or maiko or tori or nicole or kevy or rami or geoff, but there is the promiss of lots of fun that can only be had when a bunch of people get together to creat something wonderful and artistic.
I'll keep you guys posted, and I must say, you both need to post more often. Bad bloggers. bad bad bloggers. :O(
I'm full of crap. Its 3:25 am. I'm saying peace out. Zzzzzz..
Love Always,
Gato
t h e . l u n c h . g r o u p
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