MERRY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! HAPPY NEW YEAR! (Okay, maybe that last one is a little early but w/e).
Peter I have exciting news. I own Chicago. NOW, we can finally watch it. After all that struggle, I finally own one of the best modern musicals on DVD thanks entirely to Santa Claus. ^.^
I'm happy. I don't know if I told either of you about the cousins who never speak to me and their mother who's been Baker's Act-ed twice, etc....in other words, the 1/3 of my family who hasn't been too much family to us since Theresa's baptism. Well, included in this third are my mom's sister, Amanda (not Uh-man-duh...we pronounce it the Spanish way: Ah-mahn-dah), and her three kids: Theresa, and the twins Christopher and Elisabeth. Well, Beth is the cousin closest to me in age (3 years older) so growing up, I felt closest to her becuase Chris is a boy, Jeniffer and Theresa are both 6 years older, and Tom is 8 years older and a boy. Anyway, Beth was my idol and playmate for years. When she hit 15 (she was in 8th grade, we were in 6th) she decided that my perfect life made me a bad cousin. Our playtime became "I'm-better-than-you" time and she got into all sorts of things I didn't want to touch (alcohol, drugs, boys, etc). Finally, at my grandfather's feuneral, she declared she couldn't stand me and thought I was too young to be of any value to her, basically disowning me. A year later, at Tess's baptism, she snubbed me almost completely. After that, I haven't seen her once.
She and her siblings moved out of their mom's house and moved to N. Carolina. They've been in and out of high school and college at various times and Beth moved out to Washington state to go to school. I sent a graduation announcement to them and begged my grandmother for a year or so to pass messages to them, including my e-mail, cell phone, address, you name it. I never wanted them to just ignore me. Yes, their life has been extremely hard (that's another story) while mine has been quite wonderful, but that doesn't mean we can't be family anymore. It always hurt that they never sent me anything, never called, never bothered to see how I was doing, while I begged and hunted for any news of them. After a while I just accepted it. Their loss, right?
About two or three weeks ago, my grandmother finally got Beth's okay to give me her e-mail address. Instantly, I sent her a message, trying to sound mature and warm and natural. After all, despite my nerves, this was just my cousin. I was very surprised to get an answer. And not just any answer - one that was interested in what I had to say, in my life, our family. She's doing okay - majoring in history, dating some great guy...or...possibly a girl, I'm not sure...she keeps saying partner, which makes me very suspicious...and hopes to move to NYC or Boston when she can - and her life seems to be going on track.
(Just as an aside, I just realized that my cousin could be dating a girl. I went back through the e-mails, and she's never said anything about a guy. Not that it bothers me it just seems so completely uncharicteristic of her, being raised a very upstanding Southern Baptist girl...And another weird thing...she never signs the e-mails "Beth" and her e-mail registers her as "Kylen Clayton" not "Beth Clayton"...More family mysteries...she was always into family mystery...)
I'm just happy she cares enough to start an e-mail conversation. She sent me a Christmas e-mail and...well I'm just so happy to have my cousin back. Its a nice thing. Just wanted to share ^.^
Next week's schedule
Sun: 4-??? Peter/Kennon
Mon: Kat (after my appointment in the morning)
Tues: Appointment @ 3:30...out w/ Bri later?
Wed: Nada
Thurs: work 10-7
Fri: Nada -> New Year's Eve
Sat: First day of 2005; Nada planned
Sun: Church/Sunday School early; Youth from 5-7 pm
t h e . l u n c h . g r o u p
AIU Online
At 7:52 PM,
Anonymous said…
Did it occur to you that maybe I wasn't snubbing you. My mother kicked me out of her house when I was fourteen years old. That would be just before our grandfather died. If I remember correctly, he died within weeks of the kick-out. Now, think back to a time when you were fourteen. How much did you need your mother to be your friend and not the one abandoning you? I barely remember the funeral or your little sister's baptism because my life was a wreck. Thanks, by the way, for asking me if I was ok instead of airing my shit on the internet.
I had no choice but to live with my father who beat me for being a big ol' queer. That's right, I'm queer. I honestly don't see how that's a suprise, but that's ok.
Yes, my mother has been hospitalized a number of times. Once, when she found out that I wanted to date girls, she tried to kill herself by attempting to jump off of a bridge. Can you say guilt trip. Imagine you are me, a teenager, never even been kissed and this is the consequence of my "actions".
I didn't get into boys and drugs and all that, I waited until after graduation for that. I was being kicked back and forth between two parents who wanted nothing to do with me.
Oh, and yes, I changed my name to Kylen Ellwood Clayton, and I am referred to with male pronouns. I'm having surgery on my chest in a month and will be going on hormones soon. Looks like no amount of Christian indoctrination will work to ward off the big bad queers.
I'm hurt to read what you wrote about me 4 years ago. I had no idea you felt this way at all. My mother made it perfectly clear to me that she wanted nothing to do with me, and that your family wanted nothing to do with me. I've been on my own since then, with no family support to speak of. I have been well aware that the family wants nothing to do with me. I've told you just a bit of the truth behind what happened back then. I'm assuming you'll freak, think I'm disgusting, tell your mother, and have the rest of the fam talking behind my back again. If this is your reaction, please just don't. If not, I'll be suprised
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